SUMMARY:  High-schooler Anna moves to a new town, where she meets Van Hansen, the coolest kid in class... and a vampire.  Van Hansen woos her, but she frets that she's in for heartbreak... because every vampire is gay.  Still, she begins to succumb... but their union is protested by Anna's childhood friend Taye, who is in love with her.

SUMMARY:  Van Hansen takes Anna on their first date - dinner at Applebees.  Their date is interrupted by Taye, who continues to warn her away from Van.  Anna sings of her romantic confusion.  Taye hurts Van's feelings, and he runs off... and Taye transforms into a werewolf.  A very small, very cute werewolf.

SUMMARY:  Horror-film host Zombira narrates this flashback episode, in which we learn of Van's childhood as a nerdy, unpopular young vampire, teased and tormented by the kids at school.  He runs home crying to his mother, who sings him an inspirational song.  With a renewed sense of purpose and self-worth, Van returns to school the next day... and bites the fuck out of one of his tormentors.  From that point on, he's the coolest kid in school.

SUMMARY:  Anna takes Van home to meet her father, Sheriff Goose, who she's sure will embarass her. It transpires that he has no problem with his daughter dating a thousands-of-years-old vampire... in fact, he encourages Van to sleep with her.  Suddenly, the Deputy rushes in and reports there's been another teenager murdered, her body drained of blood, and the Sheriff vows to catch the killer.

SUMMARY:  Zombira says she's been taken to task for her bad jokes - to no avail.  She tells of the time Young Van took his high school girlfriend home to meet his family.  She loves vampires, but it turns out his family is a confusing melange of monsters - mom's a ghoul, dad's a fairy, brother is a Frankenstein's monster, and sister Esther... well, she's the worst of them all.  Van's sweetheart thinks Esther is completely normal, but after a musical number ("Company For Dinner"), she discovers that Esther is a cannibal, and she's on the menu.

SUMMARY:  Van takes Anna to meet his family for Thanksgiving. He hasn't been home in years, and is shocked to find his home a dump and his family in a degenerate state. It seems they've all switched from drinking real blood to drinking blood substitute "Real Gore." The family, prodded by Esther, cajoles Van to try it... and he goes wild and attacks Anna.

SUMMARY:  Taye brings his werewolf friends to save Anna from Van's cannibal family. There's a dogfight (with actual dogs portraying the werewolves), and they manage to rescue Anna. Later, Van calls to apologize, and Anna sings a song ("Hurt") about how much he hurt her.  Will Anna ever trust Van again?

SUMMARY:  Taye, attempting to woo Anna, introduces her to other human/werewolf couples, showing her how happy they are despite the danger of being mauled.  They all sing a song about the pleasures of dating a werewolf ("Hot Under the Collar").  However, Lupita, a she-werewolf arrives.  She says she's destined for Taye, who turned her as a baby, "which is totally not creepy at all"... and she wants to fight Anna for him.

SUMMARY:  Anna writes to her pen pal about her romantic confusion, trying to decide between Van and Taye.  They once again compete for her love in song ("That Ain't Bad"), but once Anna reveals that she's pregnant and doesn't know who the father is, they both skedaddle.

SUMMARY:  Van runs home to his mother, hoping to ditch Anna and resume his swinging bachelor lifestyle.  However, once it becomes clear that Van is the father and not Taye, his mother is thrilled at the thought of being a grandma, and pressures Van in song to return to Anna ("Bloodsuckin' Baby Daddy").  Van is finally persuaded to return to Anna's arms... just as her water breaks.

SUMMARY:  At Muskatonic Hospital, Anna is about to give birth, attended by Dr. Romero, a zombie. Van still isn't convinced the baby is his. Her pregnancy has progressed at an alarming late, and she gives birth to a full-grown child named Vanna. Despite the child's appearance, Van still isn't sure the baby's his.