SUMMARY:  Mona, a neglected housewife, pours out her heart to the creatures of the forest. She's got a plan to make her husband, Steven, pay attention to her - she'll tell him she stole something. When this doesn't work, she scales up to killing a baby deer. No dice. He's upset that their son Jon's essay about his home life doesn't mention the expensive things he provides his family with. He's off to work, faking domestic happiness for his friends. She indulges in her fantasy of what Steven used to be like... but she can't enjoy it. She needs real Steven. Fantasy Steven recommends she dye her hair and lose some weight. Mona thinks that's good advice. She puts the animals to work cooking and cleaning while she takes Jon to school.

SUMMARY:  Anthony wants to move from his small town to West Hollywood, where he and his gay partner can live freely, and he writes his conservative, Christian mother a letter to try to explain his heart.  His co-worker, the perpetually stoned Marcus, reveals his greatest secret: he can talk to birds.  This ability kept him out of Princeton, so he now aspires to be a rap artiste.  When Anthony expresses skepticism, Marcus calls for Big B - a gigantic, scary bird who doesn't seem to like Anthony very much.  Marcus sends Big B away.  Mona stops by the store, and during her visit, Jon's homework gets mixed up with Anthony's letter.  When Anthony and Marcus discover the mix-up, they realize they need to find Mona before she turns in Anthony's letter to Jon's teacher.

SUMMARY:  Mona tries making a new dress to try to win Steven's love back.  She receives an unexpected visit from Honey.  They were best of friends in high school - like sisters (or at least cousins) - until the day Honey tried to seduce a drunken Steven at the Homecoming dance.  Anyway, Honey has come to tell Mona something important.  It's just three little words... but those words could ruin Mona's life and family and send Steven into Honey's arms.  Before she can say what they are, Steven comes home, and Honey begins flirting with him as Mona despairs.

SUMMARY:  Honey flirts shamelessly with Steven while belittling Mona for being poor, using the fact that she made her own dress against her.  Honey, who inherited a fortune from her late husband, Morty, reports that there's been an outcry over the essay their son handed in at Bible school - an outcry stoked by Honey, who has been talking to the media, describing their son as a "false prophet."  The second paragraph started with three little words: "Jesus is..."  Honey is interrupted by a commotion at the front door.  Steven answers... and finds himself pelted with Bibles by an angry mob.  "They're heeeeere," smirks Honey.

SUMMARY:  As Honey rants about sin, Steven goes outside and finds that the Christians have been driven off by a band of Jews and gays who believe that little Jon is the true messiah.  Enter a Jewish TV producer and the King of the Gays, part of a secret sect who have always believed that Jesus is gay.  They want the family to star in a reality show, and it doesn't matter that the family isn't actually Jewish, so long as they're entertaining.  Mona isn't sure this is right for her family, but the cameras have arrived...

SUMMARY:  As Christian talk show host Regina rails against the "Jewlyweds" reality show, Anthony and Marcus arrive and tell Mona about the switched papers.  (See episode two.)  However, the boys forget about telling the truth when they're offered roles on the show.  When Mona is removed from the show and replaced by Honey, Mona finally loses her temper and slaps her.  The ensuing fight is interrupted by the arrival of Regina... and her armed guards.  She declares that the boy is truly the prophet, but the Jews and gays are corrupting his message.  Steven will be King of the new world, but who will be Queen?  Mona is forced at gunpiont to engage in a Solomonic tug-of-war with Honey for her son.  The winner will be Queen.  The loser will be damned.  And either way, Jon will be torn apart.