THE NEW CAR
written & directed
by Marz Richards

Ask not for whom the horn honks.
IT HONKS FOR THEE.

7 Episodes
Original Run: 3 Eps, 2/4/12 - 2/18/12
Playoffs: 4 Eps, 5/26/12, 6/9/12 - 6/23/12

SUMMARY:  We start our story at the funeral of Barbra Streisand, the first victim in the 21st century of the demon in the form of a Lincoln Continental known only as The Car. James Brolin has agreed to participate in the pilot of a proposed show called Celebrity Funerals, and it is on set that he is reacquainted with Liza Minnelli after she sings "Send In The Clowns" with the Funeral Director. Josh Brolin was the only witness to Barbra's murder, and at his father's behest, he recounts the grisly murder to the assembled crowd after the shoot wraps. Ronny Cox recounts that the movie "THE CAR" was not simply a schlocky horror film, but in fact a documentary that was re-cut by the studio into a work of fiction. James hires a retired peace officer from Malibu to begin a private investigation as to whether or not The Car is active again in Southern California.

SUMMARY:  James Brolin drowns his sorrows in Laphroaig whisky and early Van Halen after the funeral, and dreams of pilots past, including James Brolin's Stunt Circus of the Stars with Burt Reynolds, Lee Majors, Sasquatch, Chuck Norris and America's favorite funnyman filmmaker, John Waters. He is awoken by Liza and Josh, who worry that he is slipping into a permanent depression. James is encouraged by news that Josh is working on a driving movie, "Fast & Furious: Straight Six," but is sad to hear that Josh will not grow a mustache for the role. James considers it bad luck to do a driving movie without a mustache. Josh takes off for the set as James recuperates from his hangover. As Josh lines up his vehicle on-set, the stunt vehicle that joins him is none other than The Car.

SUMMARY:  Liza and James ride towards the set of "Fast & Furious: Straight Six" on Brolin's old Suzuki motorcycle as The Car begins to inflict mayhem on the set. James teams with Josh to distract The Car and allow the cast and crew to make it to safety. The movie is being shot on the abandoned Cuesta Vista housing tract, and The Car cannot enter consecrated ground. Nevertheless, the demon-driven automobile is able to kill a very drunk Kim Richards, a heroic but slow Lee Majors and new hotness Blake Lively before departing into the desert sunset pursuing James Brolin.

SUMMARY:  James convenes a council amongst his strongest allies in a secret lodge in the California hills. It is here that James Brolin, Burt Reynolds, and Sasquatch recount their tales of loss to harden their hearts in the face of battle. Sasquatch remembers how much it hurt to hear that The Car had killed Lee Majors. Brolin exhorts Sasquatch to keep this feeling in mind as they make war. Burt Reynolds recounts many of the horrors The Car has visited upon Hollywood, but none more so than the death of Blake Lively. Burt is especially sad because he knows that Blake would have had sex with him had she but lived. James completes the circle by speaking of the loss of his wife. Brolin reveals that the shadowy foe that summoned The Car to destroy Hollywood and steal the secrets behind the power of the Brolin Clan is Barbra Streisand. Barbra had faked her own death in order to attack from the shadows, and she has completely encircled her enemy, for as soon as Brolin reveals he is aware of the true threat, the lodge is attacked by ninja. Luckily, James Brolin is always three steps ahead, and Josh Brolin had infiltrated the ninja clan weeks ago, giving his dad the tip-off about the attack and saving their lives in the process.

SUMMARY:  Meanwhile, Liza Minnelli has consecrated the grounds of the Hilton mansion and has invited everyone who is anyone to the World's Greatest Party in order to save their lives, since The Car will murder anyone working in entertainment on sight. Harvey Levin and TMZ Live work the line outside the party where Woody Allen, Green Lantern Ryan Reynolds, Bear Grylls and Michael Winslow (of "Police Academy" sound effects fame) are gathered. Woody, Ryan, and Bear get in (even though Bear peed on his hat), but Michael Winslow is denied, and The Car promptly runs him down. Harvey Levin is murdered by The Car shortly thereafter. Inside the party, Liza teaches Burt, Sasquatch, and company how to do the Dougie. Josh Brolin arrives to warn everyone that the party has been infiltrated, and it is revealed that all the cater waiters are ninja.