PADRAIC DUFFY'S
SKIT SLAYERS!
written & directed by Padraic Duffy

I never meta skit I didn't like!

24 Episodes
Original Run: 21 Eps, 9/22/12 - 5/11/13
(FIRST SERIAL EVER TO RUN THE ENTIRE REGULAR SEASON!)
Playoffs Run: 3 Eps, 6/29/13 - 7/13/13

SUMMARY:  Aliens, country western singers, lion tamers, and even Eric Curtis Johnson all have one thing in common: they will all go head to head to head to head to head in the greatest competitive theater show in history besides the competitive theater show it's actually a part of.

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers are "Coach Baby" and "Internet Knows Best," both of which will be back next week along with "Eric Curtis Johnson Frustrated While Opening a Jar."  (Slain by the audience: "Overheard Conversation" and "My Dad's Record Collection.")

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers are "Nobody Play With Travis" and "Lost in the Sound," both of which will be back next week along with "Eric Curtis Johnson Frustrated While Opening a Jar."  (Slain by the audience: "Coach Baby" and "Internet Knows Best.")

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "Mr. Gump & the Crow" and "Cooking with Chef Cyrus Jasper."  Coming back next week will be "Mr. Gump & the Crow," "Nobody Play With Travis" and "Lost in the Sound."  (Slain by the audience: "Eric Curtis Johnson Frustrated While Opening a Jar" and "Chef Cyrus Jasper.")

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "Italian Immigrant Mice Family" and "King Jeffrey's Island Getaway."  Coming back next time will be "Mr. Gump & the Crow," "Nobody Play With Travis" and "King Jeffrey's Island Getaway."  (Slain by the audience: "Italian Immigrant Mice Family" and "Lost in the Sound.")  And one of the challengers next time in "Padraic Duffy's Skit Slayers" will be "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "Petunia Gunner of the Pony Express" and "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."  Coming back next week will be "Mr. Gump & the Crow," "King Jeffrey's Island Getaway" and "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."  (Slain by the audience: "Nobody Play With Travis" and "Petunia Gunner of the Pony Express.")

In "Sketch Molesters," the five ten-second pieces presented were "Victor Isaac: Roller Coaster Mime," "Yaaaaar Not Helping" (both slain by the audience), "10-Second Ghost Stories With Nick Ullett," "The Curse of the Tap Shoes" and "The Giraffe Detective" (coming back next time).

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "Gerald & Ginnie" and "Wheel Meet Again," which will both be coming back next week along with "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."  (Slain by the audience: "Mr. Gump & the Crow" and "King Jeffrey's Island Getaway.")

In "Sketch Molesters," the challengers were "Jervonica" and "Oh, I'm a Giant."  Coming back next week will be "10-Second Ghost Stories With Nick Ullett," "The Giraffe Detective" and "Oh, I'm a Giant."  (Slain by the audience: "The Curse of the Tap Shoes" and "Jervonica.")

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "Now" and "Racers," both of which were slain by the audience.  Coming back next week are continuing skits "Gerald & Ginnie," "Wheel Meet Again" and "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."

In "Sketch Molesters," the challengers were "The Drunk Clown" and "I Don't Want to Be In This."  Coming back next week will be "10-Second Ghost Stories With Nick Ullett" (which this week featured special guest Leon Russom), "The Giraffe Detective" and "I Don't Want to Be In This."  (Slain by the audience: "Oh, I'm a Giant" and "The Drunk Clown.")

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "The Bird Smuggler" and "Literary Thoughts With Reginald," both of which will be back next time, along with "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."  (Slain by the audience: "Gerald & Ginnie" and "Wheel Meet Again.")

In "Sketch Molesters," the challengers were "The Magic Percussionist" and "Jan, the Emo Cheerleader."  Coming back next time will be "Jan, the Emo Cheerleader," "The Giraffe Detective" and "I Don't Want to Be In This."  (Slain by the audience: "10-Second Ghost Stories With Nick Ullett" and "The Magic Percussionist.")  And one of the challengers next time in "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters" will be "Corey Klemow's Title Busters."

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "Sticking Together" and "Hands Down."  Coming back next time will be "Hands Down," "The Bird Smuggler" and "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."  (Slain by the audience: "Sticking Together" and "Literary Thoughts With Reginald.")

In "Sketch Molesters," the challengers were "Google Translate Knock-Knock Jokes" and "Corey Klemow's Title Busters."  Coming back next time will be "Jan, the Emo Cheerleader," "I Don't Want To Be In This" and "Corey Klemow's Title Busters."  (Slain by the audience: "The Giraffe Detective" and "Google Translate Knock-Knock Jokes.")

In "Title Busters" (JESUS CHRIST WHAT ARE WE DOING!?), the five two-second pieces presented were "The  Mysterious Lady," "Panic" (both slain by the audience), "The Adventures of Walnut Head," "I Have All the Spoons" and "Clap and Shout: The STD Musical" (coming back next time).

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "I Love Brains" and "Baby Zoo" (a musical!)  Coming back next time will be "Hands Down," "Baby Zoo" and "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."  (Slain by the audience: "The Bird Smuggler" and "I Love Brains.")

In "Sketch Molesters," the challengers were "Mr. Pig Calls His Wife From Another Room" and "Sally Just Dumped the Light Op."  Coming back next time will be "Mr. Pig Calls His Wife From Another Room," "I Don't Want To Be In This" and "Corey Klemow's Title Busters."  (Slain by the audience: "Jan, the Emo Cheerleader" and "Sally Just Dumped the Light Op.")

In "Title Busters," the challengers were "I Couldn't Find a Costume" and "Hot on the Trail of Walnut Head."  Coming back next time will be "I Have All the Spoons," "Clap and Shout: The STD Musical" and "On the Trail of Walnut Head."  (Slain by the audience: "The Adventures of Walnut Head" and "I Couldn't Find a Costume.")

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "Time Hobo" and "Commercial Specs with Chip."  Coming back next time will be "Hands Down," "Time Hobo" and "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."  (Slain by the audience: "Baby Zoo" and "Commercial Specs with Chip.")

In "Sketch Molesters," the challengers were "Facebook PDA" and "Helpful Tips From the Club Kid."  Coming back next time will be "I Don't Want To Be In This," "Helpful Tips From the Club Kid" and "Corey Klemow's Title Busters."  (Slain by the audience: "Mr. Pig Calls His Wife From Another Room" and "Facebook PDA.")

In "Title Busters," the challengers were "Harry, the Invisible Cat" and "Why Is That Man Following Walnut Head?"  Coming back next time will be "I Have All the Spoons," "On the Trail of Walnut Head" and "Why Is That Man Following Walnut Head?"  (Slain by the audience: "Clap and Shout: The STD Musical" and "Harry, the Invisible Cat.")

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "I Have a Robot Girlfriend" and "Super Best Friends," both of which will be coming back next week, along with "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."  (Slain by the audience: "Hands Down" and "Time Hobo.")

In "Sketch Molesters," the challengers were "Look What I Can Do" and "Taco Lady."  Coming back next time will be "I Don't Want To Be In This," "Taco Lady" and "Corey Klemow's Title Busters."  (Slain by the audience: "Helpful Tips From the Club Kid" and "Look What I Can Do.")

In "Title Busters," the challengers were "The Haunted Teddy Bear" and "Why is That Man So Interested in Who?s Following Walnut Head?!"  Coming back next time will be "I Have All the Spoons," "Why Is That Man Following Walnut Head?" and "Why is That Man So Interested in Who?s Following Walnut Head?!" (Slain by the audience: "On the Trail of Walnut Head" and "The Haunted Teddy Bear")

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "Heartache" and "This Is Real," both of which will be coming back next week, along with "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."  (Slain by the audience: "Super Best Friends" and "I Have a Robot Girlfriend.")

In "Sketch Molesters," the challengers were "Cannibal Etiquette" and "She Can't Read - She's Faking," both of which were slain by the audience.  Coming back next time will be "I Don't Want To Be In This," "Taco Lady" and "Corey Klemow's Title Busters."

In "Title Busters," the challengers were "The Cheese Told Me To Do It" and "Give Us Back Our Spoons!"  Coming back next time will be "I Have All the Spoons," "Why is That Man So Interested in Who?s Following Walnut Head?!" and "Give Us Back Our Spoons!" (Slain by the audience: "Why Is That Man Following Walnut Head?" and "The Cheese Told Me To Do It.")

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "The Hoops We Jump Through" and "Teenage Murder Party," both of which will be coming back next week, along with "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."  (Slain by the audience: "Heartache" and "This Is Real.")  wait what's going on where am i

In "Sketch Molesters," the challengers were its dark its so dark "The Ill-Fated Comedy Team" and "Holy Shit - My Boyfriend Made It!," both of which were slain by the audience.  Coming back next time will be "I Don't Want To Be In This," "Taco Lady" and "Corey Klemow's Title Busters."

In "Title Busters," the challengers were "Robot Breakdancer" and "The British Gardner and the Evil Fairies," both of which were slain by the audience.  Coming back next time will be "I Have All the Spoons," "Why is That Man So Interested in Who?s Following Walnut Head?!" and "Give Us Back Our Spoons!"  And one of the challengers next time in "Corey Klemow's Title Busters" will be "Laura Napoli's Actor Blasters." i'll be back

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "Tea for Two" and "Stan, the Clinically Depressed Woodworker," both of which will be coming back next week, along with "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."  (Slain by the audience: "The Hoops We Jump Through" and "Teenage Murder Party.")

In "Sketch Molesters," the challengers were "A Librarian in Love" and "Bad One Man Show," both of which were slain by the audience.  Coming back next time will be "I Don't Want To Be In This," "Taco Lady" and "Corey Klemow's Title Busters."

In "Title Busters," the challengers were "Trey Perkins" and "Laura Napoli's Actor Blasters," both of which will be coming back next week, along with "Give Us Back Our Spoons!"  (Slain by the audience: "I Have All the Spoons" and "Why is That Man So Interested in Who?s Following Walnut Head?!")

In "Actor Blasters," five actors entered and two died - shot dead by host Laura Napoli.

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "From the Future" and "The Fortune Teller," both of which were slain by the audience.  Coming back next week will be "Tea for Two," "Stan, the Clinically Depressed Woodworker" and "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."

In "Sketch Molesters," the challengers were "Radiohead Fan" and "Worst Things to Say After Sex," both of which were slain by the audience.  Coming back next time will be "I Don't Want To Be In This," "Taco Lady" and "Corey Klemow's Title Busters."

In "Title Busters," the challengers were "Slinky Hands" and "I Hate Game Show Music!"  Coming back next week will be "Slinky Hands," "Trey Perkins" and "Laura Napoli's Actor Blasters." both of which will be coming back next week.  (Slain by the audience: "Give Us Back Our Spoons!" and "I Hate Game Show Music!")

In "Actor Blasters," five actors entered and two died - shot dead by host Laura Napoli.  But one of the contestants who was killed seemed oddly familiar... a woman who was searching for the Bird Hunter.

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "Flee" and "Professor Singer and the Golden Chalice." Coming back next week will be "Flee," "Stan, the Clinically Depressed Woodworker" and "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters." (Slain by the audience: "Tea for Two" and "Professor Singer and the Golden Chalice.")

In a Very Special Episode of "Sketch Molesters," the challengers were "The Bad Twin" and "Eagle's Crossing." Coming back next time will be "I Don't Want To Be In This," "Eagle's Crossing" and "Corey Klemow's Title Busters." (Slain by the audience: "Taco Lady" and "The Bad Twin.")

In "Title Busters," the challengers were "Shoes! Shoes! Shoes!" and "Dan, the Magical Dragon," both of which will be coming back next week, along with "Laura Napoli's Actor Blasters."  (Slain by the audience: "Slinky Hands" and "Trey Perkins.")

In "Actor Blasters," five actors entered and two died - shot dead by host Laura Napoli.

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "The Periwinkles" and "The Sexperts," both of which were slain by the audience. Coming back next week will be "Flee," "Stan, the Clinically Depressed Woodworker" and "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."

In "Sketch Molesters," the challengers were "Howler Monkey Poetry" and "Pinky," both of which were slain by the audience. Coming back next time will be "I Don't Want To Be In This," "Eagle's Crossing" and "Corey Klemow's Title Busters."

In "Title Busters," the challengers were "Cat Got My Tongue" and "Mr. Growler."  Coming back next week will be "Mr. Growler," "Dan, the Magical Dragon" and "Laura Napoli's Actor Blasters."  (Slain by the audience: "Shoes! Shoes! Shoes!" and "Cat Got My Tongue.")

In "Actor Blasters," Mandi from "This Is Real" returns and takes over the show... and demands that the "Title Busters" host tell her how to find The Bird Smuggler!

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "Levinson" and "The Host," both of which were slain by the audience.  Host Padraic Duffy is shocked to find he's the subject of "The Host," and The Fortune Teller returns... to tell him that Emily loves him and is looking for him.  Meanwhile, Ashley, a girl in the audience, interrupts both "Flee" and "Stan, the Clinically Depressed Woodworker."  She's got news for Stan about his brother Rob. Coming back next week will be "Flee," "Stan, the Clinically Depressed Woodworker" and "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters."

In "Sketch Molesters," the challengers were "Too Drunk to Deal" and "Jonestown." Coming back next time will be "I Don't Want To Be In This," "Too Drunk to Deal" and "Corey Klemow's Title Busters."  (Slain by the audience: "Eagle's Crossing" and "Jonestown.")

In "Title Busters," the challengers were "Who's Up To No Good?!" and "Pong!", both of which will be coming back next week, along with "Laura Napoli's Actor Blasters."  (Slain by the audience: "Mr. Growler" and "Dan, the Magical Dragon.")

In "Actor Blasters," Mandi from "This Is Real" has kidnapped Host Laura Napoli, and tells him she's going to tunnel her way up through all the levels of game show until she finds The Bird Smuggler!

SUMMARY:  This week's challengers were "The Prizefighter" and "Cutey Snickerpie." Coming back for the Playoffs will be "Stan, the Clinically Depressed Woodworker," "Cutey Snickerpie" and "Joseph Beck's Sketch Molesters"... as well as old favorites including "Nobody Play With Travis," "Eric Curtis Johnson Frustrated While Opening a Jar," and many more!  (Slain by the audience: "Flee" and "The Prizefighter.")

In "Sketch Molesters," the challengers were "The Parrot Channel" and "Angry Nipples." Coming back for the Playoffs will be "I Don't Want To Be In This," "The Parrot Channel" and "Corey Klemow's Title Busters"... as well as old favorites including "Taco Lady," "The Giraffe Detective," and many more!  (Slain by the audience: "Eagle's Crossing" and "Jonestown.")

In "Title Busters," the challengers were "Secret Paper Eater" and "Mandi and the Host."  Coming back for the playoffs will be "Pong!", "Mandi and the Host" and "Laura Napoli's Actor Blasters"... as well as old favorites including "I Have All the Spoons," "Why is that Man So Interested in Who's Following Walnut Head," and many more!  (Slain by the audience: "Who's Up To No Good?" and "Secret Paper Eater.")  In "Mandi and the Host," the kidnapped Host of Actor Blasters protests that without him, he has no actors to blast... they're just going to run around like stupid people.  Mandi doesn't care; she only cares that they've made it up to the "Title Busters" level of reality.  Next stop: "Sketch Molesters!"

In "Actor Blasters," the actors are just running around like stupid people.

SUMMARY:  This week, it's the Sketch Molesters Quarter-Finals.  Eight sketches enter, four sketches leave, to return on July 20 for the Sketch Molesters Semi-Finals (IF Padraic Duffy's Skit Slayers continues to return)!  Eliminated in the first round: "The Parrot Channel," "Oh, I'm a Giant!", "Eagle's Crossing" and "The Giraffe Detective."  Coming back on July 20: "Jan, the Emo Cheerleader," "10 Second Ghost Stories With Nick Ullett," "Taco Lady" and "I Don't Want To Be In This!"  Next Week: Title Busters Quarter-Finals!

Meanwhile, as host Joseph Beck says goodnight, he catches a glimpse of Mandi in the curtain call crowd, and is spooked.

SUMMARY:  This week, it's the Title Busters Quarter-Finals.  Eight titles enter, four sketches leave, to return on July 20 for the Title Busters Semi-Finals (IF Padraic Duffy's Skit Slayers continues to return)!  Eliminated in the first round: "I Have All the Spoons," "Give Us Back Our Spoons," "Why Is That Man So Interested in Who's Following Walnut Head" and "Mandi and the Host."  Coming back on July 20: "Dan the Magical Dragon," "Pong," "Laura Napoli's Actor Blasters" and "Clap & Shout: The STD Musical!"  Next Week: Skit Slayers Quarter-Finals!

Meanwhile, in "Mandi and the Host," Mandi reveals that her full name is Mandi Moss Holmes... and that the Bird Smuggler is her husband.  Though "Mandi and the Host" was voted out, the meta-aware Mandi will no doubt jump into yet another serial...

SUMMARY:  This week, it's the Skit Slayers Quarter-Finals.  Eight titles enter, four sketches leave, to return on July 20 for the Title Busters Semi-Finals (IF Padraic Duffy's Skit Slayers continues to return)!  Eliminated in the first round: "Nobody Play With Travis," "Cutey Snickerpie," "Hands Down" and "The Bird Smuggler."  Coming back on July 20: "Eric Curtis Johnson Frustrated While Opening a Jar," "Flee," "The Crow & Mr. Gump" and "Stan the Clinically Depressed Woodworker."  Next Week: Semi-Finals for all pieces!

Meanwhile, in "The Bird Smuggler," John Jackson romances a woman named Emily... breaking the heart of Mandi, who has finally found John Jackson... who, in real life, is played by Mandi's husband, Michael Holmes.

UNFORTUNATELY, Padraic Duffy's Skit Slayers ran foul of the time limit - at two minutes over time, it was penalized 18 votes, and therefore, contrary to the above, nothing will be returning - just two episodes shy of the conclusion, after running since the very first week of the season, Skit Slayers has ended!

THE CONCLUSION WE DIDN'T GET TO SEE:

The Host stands center stage. It's all done, but he can't let go.

"I can't stop," he says quietly.

Slowly, a cacophony builds-- a mash up of all the theme songs in his life. It becomes painful. He puts his hands to his ears.

Then, Host #4 enters. He looks at the Host with soft eyes, then smiles and walks up to him. Host #4 takes off his own jacket and hands it to the Host. When he does, his theme song goes silent. Host #4 exits.

Host #3 enters from the other side, walks up, and hands her coat to the Host. As he takes it, her theme song goes silent. Host #3 exits.

Host #2 enters from the other side, walks up, and hands his coat to the Host. As he takes it, his theme song goes silent. Host #2 exits.

The Host is just left with his own theme song now. Emily enters and sees him. She knows that all she has to do is say his real name and it all ends. But she loves him. And this is all that he has. All of these coats. She smiles.

"Padraic, It's time to go home."

She gently removes his jacket, and his song goes silent. He smiles. She takes a few coats from him, and then takes his hand, and they walk down the vom.

The real Padraic and the real Emily walk in from opposite sides. They smile. She takes his hand, and they walk out the vom. End of play.

And with that, good night Skit Slayers.