ACADEMY
OF SERIAL KILLERS
ARTS & SCIENCES
TWELFTH ANNUAL
THURSTY AWARDS

Celebrate Season 12 of Serial Killers
with our annual fake awards!

JUNE 24, 2017
(following the conclusion of the Ninth Annual Playoffs)

(Winners in Gold)

Best Demeaning Eye Candy:
A butcher couldn't have put together a finer selection of meat.

Tim Kopacz in Invitation to Love and Death
Glen Stanton in Butters
French Stewart (as "Rollerskate Gary") in Dump that Dick
James Hawthorn in Invitation to Love and Death
Chris Alvarado (as clock factory worker) in Time Buds

Best Punching Bag:

Physically punishing themselves to drag a simple smile
and a nod from an audience member is the true reward.

Rob Lecrone in Hoodoo Hills
Michael Silva in The Collectors
Rob Lecrone in Dr. Stranger Things
Rob Lecrone in Jane Austen's Emma Frankenstein

The More You Know Award:

For the serials that taught us something

Railroad spikes don’t go in your head
The Last Twelve Years of Phineas Gage

Flesh eating pigs are HELPFUL in a murder
Yonder Gothic

You gotta see yourself there to be there. ARE YOUR EYES OPEN, CAROL?
Butters

That most girls in student government are just evil douche turds
Rachel III

Don’t fuck with the ladies of the the Summerlin Club
The Summerlin Club

The Mickey Rooney Award for Most Offensive Stereotype:

Because sometimes not doing a nuanced portrayal is harder than trying to

Portrayal of Southern people
all the men
Yonder Gothic

Portrayal of the Irish
Richard Lucas & Chris Collier as "Bono and the Edge"
Bono and the Edge Waiting for Godomino's

Portrayal of the French
Jean Black as "Paulette"
Time Buds

Portrayal of humanity
French Stewart as "Rollerskate Gary"
Dump That Dick

Portrayal of Eastern Europeans
Chip Godwin & Michael Silva as "Yugo" and "Zadar"
LaHavoc

We assumed he was portraying someone from Florida
David Haverty as "Clint"
Come on Down

Portrayal of the Italians
Bruno Olvier as "Claudio"
H.O.A.

Scientific Achievement:

Handed out at a separate ceremony

Allison Faith Sulock for the wall of lights in Dr. Stranger Things

Best Use of Robots:

They are our future, they will destroy us

Heather Schmidt as "Donna" in Home
Heather Klinke as "Celine" in Tales of Tomorrow, From Yesterday, Today
Mick Ignis as "Echo" as Echo and Dot
Sir Ian McKellan as "Box" as I, Mr. Robot
Ed Goodman as the robot Mark Twain as Twain Time

Serial Killers' Finest

The best of the worst cops that can no longer hide behind the blue shield

Peter Fluet as "Hopper" in Dr. Stranger Things
Peter Fluet as "Detective Jay" in A Whisper in the Shadows
Peter Fluet as "Deputy Smith" in Eden Burning
Peter Fluet as "Officer Smith" in The Collectors
Victor Issac as "Officer Wesson" in The Collectors
Michael Silva as "Officer Gary" in The Collectors

Best Battle of the Sexes:

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and these two worlds have gone to war!

Rodnesa Green and Libby Baker feeding the male cast of Yonder Gothic to pigs
French Stewart assaulting Smooth Movementz with a corn dog in Dump That Dick
Rebecca Lasen's molestation of Peter Fluet in Time Buds
Bryan Krasner throwing Emily Clark to the floor in Jane Austen's Emma Frankenstein

Best Superhero:

So many pieces have superheroes this year I guess we should do an award
and I guess we should just give the award to all of them

Denise Nicholson as "Starchild"
The Anniversary Issue

Ian Littleworth as "The Kick"
Robin and the Kick

Leah Breit as "Eden"
Eden Burning

Graydon Schlichter as "M as Pulse, The Eminence of Electromagnetism"
The Anniversary Issue

Emily Donn as "The Owl"
The Anniversary Issue

Richard Lucas as "Bono"
Bono and the Edge Waiting for Godomino's

Lucas Alifano as "James"
Come on Down

Rudy Solis as "Agithorpe"
What Do We Do Now?

Ilona Conceta as "Dot"
Echo and Dot

Graham Skipper as "Hamilman Walker"
Hamilman Walker

and from Dr. Stranger Things:
Stephen Simons as "Dr. Strange"
Erin Parks as "Eleven"
Yogi Sylvain as "Wong"
Tony Williams as "Baron Mordo"
Joshua Silverstein as "Baron Mordo"
Jennifer Soo as "Betsy"
Lana Rae Jarvis as "Wanda"
Alyssa Rupert as "Illyana"
Lisa Ferris as "Clea"
Monica Greene as "Clea"
Shaela Cook as "Umar"
Lemon Baardsen as "Barb"

THE MOSTIES

Our prestigious quantitative award

Most Actor:

Michael Shaw Fisher, Peter Fluet,
Rob Lecrone, Amir Levi, Matt Valle

Most Actress:

Kristyn Chalker, Lana Rae Jarvis, Tifanie McQueen,
Cj Merriman, Heather Schmidt
 

Most Director:

Ezra Buzzington, Jeff Scot Carey, Aaron Francis
Julia Griswold, Tim Kopacz, JJ Mayes
 

Most Writer:

Annette Fasone, Peter Fluet, Ryan Gowland,
Vanessa Stewart, Alisa Tangredi

Most Tech:

Suze Campagna, Sofija Dutcher, Brian Wallis
 

Most Overall:

Kristyn Chalker, Peter Fluet, Victor Isaac,
Rob Lecrone, JJ Mayes

Most Newcomer (The Newby Award):

Josh Bross, Jeff Scot Carey, Kristyn Chalker,
Michael Shaw Fisher, Tim Kopacz, Bree Pavey